Monday, September 16, 2013

almost a year.

its been almost a year since my last post.
almost a year.
crazy.
i'm here to catch up a bit so this might be a long one.
consider yourself warned.
 
there have been many times i've thought about writing
many posts i have started and ended up deleting
i'm just finding it hard
so incredibly hard to put into words where we are at and where things have been for our family over the past 18 months
i still can't post photos or mention names as things are still unresolved with the future of our littlest
18 months later and things are still unclear
 
there are too many details
way too many ups and downs to try and explain
we had thought we were on the road to adoption
only to have major roadblocks thrown in front of us
and we now find ourselves waiting for the courts to decide
i know that ultimately He is in control
that He knows the bigger picture and knows what is best
i know He loves our littlest more than i ever could
and i know that we have given him everything we could over the past year
an overwhelming amount of love
and I want nothing other than the best for our littlest man
even if that is apart from us.
truly
i want only what is best for him
but to be honest
i have found the journey a bit difficult at times
 
there have been several points over the past year that i have just been done
i just wanted to be on the other side of it all
i just wanted to know what was going to happen and be able to deal with things either way
i was ready to throw in the towel
feeling like it was all just too much
the thought of him leaving honestly takes my breath away
 letting him go would be so incredibly hard
 

 but when i wanted to give up i was reminded that i was called to be a mommy
to each of the 6 littles that have been placed by my side
their circumstances each different
but my calling 100% the same
love them every minute they are with me
run wholeheartedly with every day that i am gifted with them

 and so that is what i am determined to do
we have no clue what is ahead
with our littlest
but actually we have no clue what is ahead with any of our littles
i still have many moments in my day that i have to choose to trust
claim peace over anxiety
choose faith over worry
choose to let go of the situation instead of trying to control it
i am confident though that if i choose these things
one day at a time
that in the end
it will all be okay.
in fact
it will be more than okay...it will be perfect.
and meanwhile
for our family
there have been some major changes 
a very big move
we miss family and friends
but are grateful for the sun and sand
and a new adventure
 moving is always big
always parts that are hard
but I've also found that when you choose something that requires you to make sacrifices
there are always hidden blessings
moments that make it okay
experiences that make it worth it
and that's what we are finding

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

can i be doing more...

“The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left.”
― Katie J. Davis, Kisses from Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption
 
if you haven't read this book
you should
 
the feelings are back
ones that i can't shake
i don't know what that means and at times i'm afraid to find out
some of the things that consume my mind
scare me
surely He's not calling me, calling us, to do what i think He is
but through all the thoughts
the feelings
the what ifs
there is a peace and a full confidence that He knows what he is doing
 
i feel we all have to do more
do i think every family should adopt?
no
do i think more families should adopt?
yes
do i think that all of us could and should be doing more
regarding the millions of children that are suffering?
yes
 
there are so many ways to help make huge change in the lives of kids
become a foster parent
you don't have to even go through an organization
just contact your local children and youth services
sponsor a child
it's easy.  this summer my brother blogged about a trip he took
about the children he met
about how we can help change their lives
anyone can sponsor a child
sponsor another childs adoption
i can't keep my eyes off this site right now
so many children
abandoned
and if nothing changes their futures look horrific
asylums
their lives spent in cribs
if we aren't going to bring these babies into our homes
the least we can do is support those financially who will
each of these options can radically change the life of a child

i'm determined to do more
not sure exactly what that is going to look like
but i know i have to do more

james 1:27
religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless
is this;
to look after orphans and widows in their distress
and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world

Friday, September 14, 2012

what a summer it's been...

2 months.
i can't believe it's been 2 months since i've been on here.
actually, i can believe it...
this summer has been the busiest yet!
hopefully i can get back on track with blogging now that we are getting into more of a routine around here!
i'm excited about the things that have become summer traditions for our family.
the mountains is one of our favorites!
 baby girl started taking steps while we were at the mountains.
now, at 15 months, she is a walker.
can't believe how big she is!
 my love and i had some wonderful time together this summer.
an evening in philadelphia, for a concert and dinner.
even a couple of days in NYC!
we stopped in Princeton on the way...
(saw an awesome team tennis match with agassi and mcenroe!)

 swimming, swimming, and more swimming...the kids had 4 weeks of swimming lessons this summer.  it was awesome to see them gain complete confidence in the water (nice for mama and daddy as well!)  match that with meme and pawpaw getting a pool and we were seriously in the water all summer!
this summer we seemed to keep the tooth fairy busy as well...
 we did the park this summer quite often.  i love going to a place where i know everyone is going to be happy!
 the kids love going to philadephia and baltimore!
 spent the day at dutch wonderland with friends!
 and yes, baby boy is still with us.  i find it so incredibly hard to believe that he is nearly 6 months old.  i still find myself looking at him and wondering how we got so lucky!  he is a complete love, always happy and smiling!  we still have no idea what the future holds, or how things are going to work out but we are determined to take one day at a time.  anxiety sets in the minute we try and figure things out...i have to let the whole situation in God's hands.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

a beautiful evening to celebrate

 a day to celebrate our baby girl
i found it all much more overwhelming than i had expected
 so many people that love her so so much
all wanting the best for her
for her life to be as full as it possibly can
so many hugs
kisses
smiles
so much laughter
all for her 
 three lines of photos representing each month of her little life
photos of all her firsts
the first picture we ever took after arriving at the hospital
her first trip to the mountains and first trip to the beach
her first time meeting her birth mother
photos of her day to day life
each one representing a chapter in her story so far

 everyone that came to her party were people that have "gotten it" since moment one
they have held her
kissed her
loved her
tickled her
fully accepted her
spoken words of life and truth over her
and to say we are grateful is an understatement
i too often have seen the opposite happen
a family brings a baby home through adoption
no support
alienated
looked down upon due to their decision
i can't imagine
i can't imagine how the parents walk the walk without love and support around them
i can't imagine how the child is going to respond to the feelings of rejection and disapproval
that at some point will be glaringly obvious
 after everyone had left i was so wired
i couldn't settle
couldn't sleep
my mind was spinning
and i was trying to work through one thought
i just couldn't get over the fact that there were probably at least
ONE MILLION WAYS
we could have missed out on our baby girl.
seriously
so many people making so many decisions
so many papers that could have taken a shorter/longer amount of time to process
birth parents being influenced by others that never had their best interests in mind
my stubbornness towards pulling our application from another adoption process
the list goes on and on
i am more than grateful
and more than thankful
that she is my baby girl
and that those one million things didn't keep her from us.
happy birthday, baby girl!